I hate nature.

I do. There, I said it.

I make no apologies.

I would be perfectly happy if our yard was nothing but astro turf. 

See?

Doesn't look bad at all!

And my allergy havin' husband would be happy with it, too.

Oh, but what about flowers?

You can't hate flowers! Blah blah blah.

You see flowers, I see bees.

We're still cleaning up from the storms (nature) that tore through WV a couple weeks ago. Dragging trees (nature), limbs, sticks, etc to get ready to burn. While doing so, my son gets COVERED in bug bites (nature) on Sunday. I mean, chest...back...arms...the poor kid.

For whatever reason, they left me alone...for once.

Yesterday, JJ and I went out to swim for a bit.

He's standing on the deck, PERFECTLY STILL, talking to me about a box he found.

No big deal.

Then I notice he's staring at his foot.

So I look at his foot.

I see this...

Oh, a wasp (nature).

That can't be good.

And whoever said, "If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone." is a liar.

Every sting I've ever had came while I was standing around minding my own business.

Anyway...

Wasps don't just land on you and fly away easy peasy. Oh no.

Before I can swim over to JJ, he's been stung.

Screaming. Crying. Gasping.

The only gratification I got was going bananas crazy and killing 4 of them by drowning them in the skimmer.

He's red and swollen, but at least you can see he has an ankle again.

For the most part, he didn't have too terrible of a reaction.

Today, I ask him if he wants to swim.

A big, fat no.

So I head out to get some sun while he naps.

And what do I see?

5 frogs (nature) in the pool and their disgusting eggs (nature) floating around.

Let me give you some background.

Just this week I dumped bleach all around my pool. 

Then, I dumped salt all around my pool.

These idiot frogs keep coming back.

Keep laying their eggs in my pool.

Keep getting launched like a rocket over my fence in a fit of rage.

Every. Stinkin'. Day.

Any suggestions?

Don't bother googling it.

I did, and a bunch of hippie websites about savethefrogs.com come up. 

I kid you not. That was the #1 search result.

They want you to pay money to ADOPT frogs.

Look it up.

These boneheads want me to buy floating bridges for my pool so these little turds can come and go, in and out of the pool as they please.

That is the opposite of what I want to happen.

I want frog poison.

Wasp poison.

Bee poison.

And astro turf.

Any suggestions to getting rid of these pesky frogs?

And don't say snakes.

I hate snakes.