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Monday, January 16, 2012

Age Limits - Stop Wearing That

Every single time I go to Wal-Mart - I walk out of that place shaking my head. Not because I spent too much money, not because I didn't find what I was looking for .... it's because, never fail, there's at least seven 40-something's walking around that place looking like a bad advertisement for Forever 21. People of West Virginia (and everywhere else for that matter, but it seems to be a REAL problem here)
PLEASE take note.

If you are over 40, you need to stop.....

...wearing fuzzy boot slippers out in public.
You know what, that goes for any age.
The only reasons you should wear house-shoes outside are:
1. It's pajama day at your work/school.
2. It's Halloween.
3. Your house is on fire and they happened to be on your feet when you ran out to save your own life.

....wearing any pants/shorts with words written across your butt.
When I was in high school, this started to get big. And I remember my Dad telling me there was no way I was going to be participating in that trend. He calls it advertising - inviting someone to stare at your butt. At the time, I thought he was a fascist. Now, I understand. It is kind of creepy to invite the general public to focus on your bum. So, in my book - these are out no matter what your age. But over 40? It just looks desperate.

....stop bedazzling your electronic devices.
It just looks stupid. I don't care how many hours you spent making it just right. I don't care how much you paid for the cover. If you're over 40, this is out. Stop doing it.

....wearing over-sized bows.
I realize bows are big right now (no pun intended). And I'm not saying that once you hit 40 you can't put any embellishments in your hair - I'm just saying that if you're over 40 and are walking around with this giant bow on your head - I will laugh at you. 

....wearing skirts and Ugg-style boots.
I have to of my favorite fall/winter outfits is my comfy/casual khaki skirt, my brown tights/leggings and a comfy pair of boots....but I'm not 40. I'm not saying you can't pull off boots and a skirt over 40, I'm saying denim mini-skirts, bare legs and Uggs look ridiculous over 40. Stop doing it!

....wearing your belly-button ring.
This was also hugely popular when I was in high school. But I never got one. Remember that Dad I mentioned earlier? Yea, no way this was going to happen in his house. But I digress.... the older you get, the more you should start thinking about taking that bad boy out for good. Once you get to be 40, I think it's time for the ol' naval ring to retire.

....stop wearing side-ponies.
I actually could have spent an entire post on hair trends that need to die once you hit 40...maybe some other time. If you go to a salon for a formal hair-do' and they give you a classy side-swept look, ok. I can handle that. If you're going to Wal-Mart and you dig through your pile of scrunchies to put your hair up in a side pony, you need to knock it off. These over-40 women are typically wearing obscenely ripped up jeans, Uggs and an Abercrombie & Fitch hoodie. They also tend to think you'll mistake her for one of her teenage daughter's friends. Wrong. You look like a clown. Stop it!!

An can i juss throw dis out thrrr....stop typin lyke dis. If u ova 40 (or much younger, actually) can u plz stop puttin messages lyke dis all ova fb. It's rly hard 2 read - 4 realz. It hurtz my brainz an makes me thinnnk to harrrrrd. 

Seriously, what is with putting tons of extra consonants in words and omitting most of the vowels? And of course the over-use of the letters Y and Z. Ugh. Plus, it has to take more time to think about how to creatively put together words to intentionally misspell them. Think how much time you could be saving by just writing everything out the right way. And think how much more seriously everyone would be able to take you. 

Ok - that feels better. Just getting all that off my chest....ahhh.
So - anything I neglected to put on the list? Let me know. 

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